Likhulu Kangakanani Igebe Lobudala Likhulu Kakhulu Ebudlelwaneni?

UNick noPrianka benza igebe leminyaka yobudala eli-11 libukeke lilula…. UPriyanka Chopra noNick Jonas

John Shearer / Getty Izithombe



Ngake ngacabanga ukuthi ngithandana nommeli othandekayo owaqala ukuxoxa nami ngenkathi silinde emgwaqweni onqamula eManhattan. Ngizwe inhlansi ngokushesha, futhi ngemuva kokushintshana ngezinombolo, sihlele usuku lwethu lokuqala ngaphandle kokukhulisa iminyaka yethu. Ngemuva kwesonto, ndawozonke phakathi kwengilazi eyodwa kuya kwezine zewayini, wangitshela ukuthi ngangibukeka ngisemncane kakhulu futhi ngabuza ukuthi ngineminyaka emingaki.

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Ngineminyaka engama-25, ngithe, ngizama ukubonakala ngiziqhenya ngenombolo yize ngangivele ngigubhe lolu suku lokuzalwa ngesaba kancane ngokukhula. Wanqekuzisa ikhanda ngokumangala futhi akazange anikele ngeminyaka yakhe ngaze ngayicela. Awusoze waqagela, wathi, kulapho-ke lapho ngazama ukuhlola ubuso bakhe ukuthola imibimbi nezinwele zakhe ngezinhlayiya zikasawoti nopelepele — zazingekho.



Ngineminyaka engama-38, esho. Amashumi amathathu nesishiyagalombili. Mina ngeke ngicabange, ngamtshela. Ngemuva kwalokho wazithethelela ngokuya endlini yangasese ngenkathi ngihleli ngizibuza ukuthi igebe lethu lobudala bobudlelwano lisho ukuthini: Ngabe angafuna ukushesha ebudlelwaneni? Ngabe ubevele ecabanga ngezingane vele? Ngabe uzothuswa yifulethi lami elincane engangikwazi ukulikhokhela?



Ngakho ngiyazi ukuthi ucabangani, wathi, lapho ubuya. Kungani lo mfana engashadile nezingane? Wethula incazelo mayelana nokungamtholi owesifazane ofanele okwamanje futhi wakwazi ukuqeda konke okungikhathazayo-okungenani okwamanje. Ngaqhubeka nokuzithola ngishayiwe, ngiphusha umama ngaye, ngimtshela ukuthi iminyaka eyi-13 ayisiyikhulu kangako ngokwehlukana kweminyaka ngoba besizwana kakhulu futhi bekungenandaba nje.

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Saqhubeka sathandana kwaze kwaba, ekugcineni, izindlela zethu zokuphila zabonakala zihluke kakhulu. Izimo zakhe zomsebenzi nezezezimali zaziqhelelene kakhulu nezami, futhi umqondo wokuthi izinto ziya ngokuba nzima wazizwa uphuthuma futhi wethusa kimi. Wayesondele kwengu-40 kunami ngangineminyaka engama-30, futhi nganginomuzwa wokuthi nakanjani wayezofuna umshado nezingane ngokushesha okukhulu kunami. Ngakho-ke ngiyeka ukuxhumana kwethu kuphele, ngivumela ukukhathazeka kwami ​​ngokwehluka kweminyaka yethu kusibekele uthando lwethu.

Ekugcineni kwakuwucingo olufanele, ngazizwa, futhi ochwepheshe kubonakala sengathi bayavuma. Iqiniso ukuthi iminyaka yobudala akuyona nje inombolo, kusho uSeth Meyers, Ph.D., isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nomlobi Nqoba Ubuhlobo Bokuphindaphinda Ubudlelwano futhi Uthole Uthando Olukufanele . Igebe leminyaka yobudlelwano elikhulu kuneminyaka eyi-10 livame ukuza nezinkinga zalo. Yize kuhlale kunokuhlukile emithethweni, umthetho omuhle okufanele uwukhumbule ukuthi ukuthandana nomuntu oneminyaka engaphezu kwengu-10 ubudala kuzoletha izinselelo manje noma kamuva ezengeza ezinseleleni ezikhona noma yibuphi ubuhlobo obunabo, usho kanje.



Imibhangqwana enomehluko weminyaka emikhulu idinga ukucabanga ngezinto noma ibeke engcupheni yokuzithola izigaba ezingqubuzanayo ebudlelwaneni bayo. Ungabona izinkomba ezahlukahlukene zamasiko, ukungavunyelwa ngumndeni nabangane, futhi mhlawumbe nokungavunyelwa ngumphakathi, futhi, kusho URachel Sussman , umelaphi onelayisense womshado nomndeni eNew York. Kungaba nzima ukuxhumana namaqembu ontanga womunye nomunye futhi.

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Selokhu ngathandana nommeli, ngithathe indoda yami ekahle ngeminyaka engaba mihlanu kuye kweyisikhombisa emidala kunami, ikakhulukazi kuzinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola, lapho ungahlunga khona abaseqenjini elithile leminyaka. Kepha ngasikhathi sinye, ngisahlala nginomqondo ovulekile — igebe elikhulu leminyaka akudingeki ukuthi lingabi inkanyezi. Umuntu ongenampilo unohlobo olucacise kakhulu futhi oluncane —'Ngifuna umuntu ophakathi kweminyaka engama-30 nengama-35 othanda ingaphandle, osondelene kakhulu nabazali bakhe kanye nezingane zakwabo' — noma, ngokubanzi, ubanzi futhi akacaci - 'Ngifuna umuntu omuhle, 'kusho uMeyers.

Esikhundleni salokho, yiba neqiniso ngalokho okufunayo kothile, hhayi okufunayo kusukela eminyakeni yabo. Cabanga ngeminyaka eyi-10 njengesiqondiso esijwayelekile, kodwa uvuleleke nakweminye iminyaka futhi-futhi ungagcini ngokuthandana nomuntu omdala kuphela. 'Sakaza inetha elibanzi' yilokho engikutshela wonke amaklayenti ami, kusho uSussman. Abesilisa kufanele bathandane sebekhulile, futhi abesifazane kufanele ukuthi balungile ngokuzama ukuthandana nabancane. Futhi kufanele sonke sibe nomqondo ovulekile ngokwengeziwe.